Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
