i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
