So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize