theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
