Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
