We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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