"it" just moved
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
