There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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