I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
