I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can text with my tongue
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
