Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
