Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
