I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
