Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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