the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
