I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
