I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
should my penis look like a turkey
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
