its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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