I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
