i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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