The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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