I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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