At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
