it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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