The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
