This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
