this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
