Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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