I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
