You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
