She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
