im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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