I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
