she woke up with a sticky ear
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
