I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
