I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
