The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
