Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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