It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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