It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
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Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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