He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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