Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
