It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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