Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
