my vag is so smooth its legendary
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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