Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
