im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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