don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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