i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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