is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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