Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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