the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
