Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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