it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
