Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
