The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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