i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
