My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
