Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
