Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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