Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize