The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
