Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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