I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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