she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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